…nor saving anyone else, for that matter.
For a long time that realization bothered me. Didn’t I want to be a good Buddhist?
Sentient beings are numberless, we vow to save them…
But I don’t want to make any more vows that require for me to abandon myself. Now, way back when, my approach to Buddhism was from wanting to save the world but somehow skipped over myself. Like I was an afterthought, something I would get to later. It was the only starting point really, because the more I ignored myself, the more I resented those I wanted to supposedly save.
So, I am no longer interesting in saving the world. I am interested in being part of a connection, no matter how brief, where we exchange our equals and in that moment some aspect of suffering is alleviated. We find a way to save ourselves and rejoice with each other.
I can only help those ask and I can only help them to the degree that they are willing and that they allow and me helping them depends on how much I am willing to respect and save myself. Otherwise, I am just perpetrating more codependency.
I feel like we all can save ourselves; we just need some help along the journey. Whether it’s remembering, solving, reminding, guiding. I am simply a passing post, a shining light that reminds you that hey you too can do this. We are our saviors, and we can remind ourselves of that by how well we carry our little piece of the world. How well we tend to our inner worlds.
So no, I am no longer interested in saving the world, but I am interested in being in a relationship with it.